There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
