I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
