Someone shit on the floor
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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