so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize