Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
