Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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