i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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