Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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