need another drink. this is the easiest way
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
