You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
