He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
