dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
