I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
