oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
