He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
