I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
