I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
