I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Sorry my hands just texted you
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
