she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
