If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize