I murdered the dance floor call the cops
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
