The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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