Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
