she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
