wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
