is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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