So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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