Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
