You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
