i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
