also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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