I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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