the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize