I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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