I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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