Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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