im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
