i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
