You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
