Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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