Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
