I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize