I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
