yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize