If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
