The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
