Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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