lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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