i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
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