Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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