i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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