Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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