My hair reeks of homosexuality.
We named our party play list daddy issues
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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