Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Who died my cat blue again?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
