I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
