Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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