i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
