I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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