the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
