She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
