then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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