then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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