I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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