I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Come on in and take your pants off
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