So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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