i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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