Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
