she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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