i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm too high and old for this...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
