Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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