so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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