I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
