I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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