I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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