you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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