That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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