Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
