I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Randomize