I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
