She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
