Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
