If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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