PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
