I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
