I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
