great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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