So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
being pregnant is like rehab
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
