I like my sex mixed with concussions.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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