New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
