i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
