2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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