Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
