New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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