Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
