New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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