Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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