Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize