Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize