I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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