big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
God, I missed his penis.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
