I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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