I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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