i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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