whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
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