I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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