The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize