so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
