The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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