The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
