So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Randomize
