Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
