I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
