White coat. Heels.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
