How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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