when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
