id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
