If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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